Great weekend.......

AllModCons · Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2004 2:38 am Post subject:

Fat Larry White would have a field day with these tales!
_________________
"Who was I to dampen her ardour? After all, the tango does build up quite a thirst...."

carp1 · Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2004 4:51 pm Post subject:

DALEY MAYALL of YE PEST · Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2004 6:05 pm Post subject:

AllModCons · Posted: Wed Jun 02, 2004 3:31 am Post subject:

carp1 · Posted: Wed Jun 02, 2004 4:54 am Post subject:

This thread is gonna go on for ever........The non anglers out there must be amazed at how such a natural and peaceful pastime as fishing can have so many problems and upsets. But it does !! And nearly all the time!! Look at Daleys last piece about tidal rivers, how many folk realised the dangers of fishing. Could be comparable with wearing a Stone Island top, and going in the Hull home end and singing York City songs Laughing

Getting away from Carp fishing for a while, and going back through the mists of time to when I was a young apprentice match angler, a tale of pain and woe springs to mind...........Wasp grub, what a bait. This is Carpys guide to succesfull Wasp nest digging.... "To get it you first find an underground wasp nest, how ? Watch out for Wasps, where they all seem to fly to, follow them as best you can. Usually find them in the bottoms of neglected gardens, or golf courses seem to have a few. Best time for the grubs is late August early September. So lets say you have located your Wasp nest, lets say its a hole an inch across in a grass banking,what next ? You mark it with something like a wrapper impaled on a twig so you can find it easier later. Return to the nest with your poison, this is where things can get dangerous. Wasps are nasty vicious little bas**rds, and will attack if they think their Queen or nest is under any sort of attack. You must now wait till the sun is going down, as all the Wasps will have returned to the confines of their underground nest. If it is a dry night you may proceed to sprinkle copious amounts of poison in and around the entrance hole, now run away. The following day the wasps will rise with the sun, and wil fly in and out of their nest all day inadvertantly carrying the poison deep inside the nest. Now they will start to die.......You return in the evening after sun down, find your marker by the nest and start to dig. The nest will be maybe a foot under ground so great care must be taken whilst digging so you dont smash the delicate outer nest. You will see the outer edge of the nest, it will be pale white in colour and look like one of those habitat paper lamp shades Confused

Now gently lift up the nest and put the whole thing in a black bin liner, take it away for opening.When you split open the nest it will be full of dead adult Wasps, it will also be full of grubs [ the larvae stage before emerging as Wasps]. Dump the dead adult Wasps and keep the grubs and bits of nest [ cake] and put in your freezer until needed".......... Sounds simple ????? Wrong !!!! I did all the above for many years, but one day it went very wrong. Crying or Very sad

Getting to the bit where you dig up the poisoned nest, I lifted out the nest and split it open there and then only to discover to my absolute horror that a pile of dead Wasps had blocked the entrance tube to the nest causing an air blockage.Meaning that the poison had failed to reach the inner sanctum of the nest !!!!!! The remaining Wasps in the nest were just "hunky dory", and ever so pleased to meet in person the bloke who had destroyed their home Shocked

I dropped everything and ran like the fecking wind. Wasps are very fast, they are also equiped with bloody good eyesight, because they had no trouble at all following me for a good quater mile before decsending on to my unprotected body. I wont bore you with the subsequent visit to St James Hospital in Leeds. Or the copious amounts of anti-histamines they pumped into me to stop my head swelling to the size of a beach ball Crying or Very sad

I got away lightly really, approx 26 stings and it could have been worse............
_________________
"pants off,if you love the reds"

Yorkie · Posted: Wed Jun 02, 2004 3:57 pm Post subject:

But was there a sting in your tail ? Laughing

Now that would smart Crying or Very sad

carp1 · Posted: Wed Jun 02, 2004 4:41 pm Post subject:

Alright, 26 stings was a very slight exageration. Nearer 10, and strangely some of the Wasp stings didnt hurt half as much as some of the others. Must be something to do with the Wasps venom sacks being depleted. Well think back to when you last had a shag, and emptied your "sacks", if you jumped straight back on for another go theres never as much the second time around is there ????........ Laughing

_________________
"pants off,if you love the reds"

DALEY MAYALL of YE PEST · Posted: Wed Jun 02, 2004 6:21 pm Post subject:

Kroy · Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2004 4:02 am Post subject:

carp1 · Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2004 5:43 am Post subject:

AllModCons · Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2004 8:51 am Post subject:

I understand that since reading this thread, Pinewood Studios in London intend to adapt the tales of Carp and Daley to make 'Carry on Fishing'.....

Several members of this forum will star:

Herman - Kenneth Williams
Daley - Sid James
Carp - Jim Dale
AD - Kenneth Connor
Acombred - Charles Hawtrey
Ukrainian Phil - Bernard Bresslaw

Auditions tbc.....
_________________
"Who was I to dampen her ardour? After all, the tango does build up quite a thirst...."

ycst #351 · Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2004 8:54 am Post subject:

Helen · Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2004 8:58 am Post subject:

ycst #351 · Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2004 9:31 am Post subject:

Frank · Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2004 9:40 am Post subject:

ycst #351 · Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2004 9:59 am Post subject:

DALEY MAYALL of YE PEST · Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2004 12:15 pm Post subject:

DALEY MAYALL of YE PEST · Posted: Fri Jun 04, 2004 6:54 pm Post subject:

Ah well.....

Looks like the 'PEST' will have to get this thread revived again now Carpy has gone to the good old USA for his hols (Jammy get!).

Anyhow, this time folks I am harking back to the halcyon days of 1984 when City had a half-decent, nay excellent, side and my schooldays were coming to an end...... Confused

This time, a trip to York's very own River Ouse was the occasion with a few schoolmates. Now there maybe a few from this forum that have taken a young lady for a romantic walk in their day along New Walk - the opposite side to Rowntrees Park. This is a rather attractive part of the riverside with a tree-lined path which also allows cyclists to get home to Fulford without using the busy road. This stretch of the river is good for anglers as there is room for them to plant their tackle box/seat down on a 6ft wide ledge at the waters edge for a fair length.
Anyway, we had been fishing most of the day and catching bits here and there. As 15/16 year olds, it wouldn't be right to just sit there all day, behave impeccably and stare at your float bobbing up and down in the water all day, would it? So what is the alternative?...................Aye, you've guessed it - start pissing about!
We must have been there 5/6 hrs when the boredom began to kick in. There was always going to be a bit of banter with the passing locals asking what we'd caught and the abuse hurled at the tourists on a trip via YorkBoat to Bishy Palace but we got fed up with that.

As we slowly started to pack our gear away, one of the mates had the bright idea of catapulting our left-over maggots at passing motor boats. Competition time!!!! Twisted Evil

So there we were with a renewed sense of concentration and vigour at the end of a long, hot day awaiting the next cruiser with much alacrity.
We didn't bother with the little red pleasure boats that tourists can rent on Queens Staith - we went for the big posh Cruisers named 'Saucy Sue' etc, with the snobby gets aboard them.
Twas like summat out of WW2, I tell thee!! There we were, all lined up and ready to fire salvo's from our fully-loaded cats at any Captain Birdseye that even so much as glanced down his nose at us commoners on the bank. We must have hit about four that got a good scattering of the crawly things that had the Skipper's wife shrieking like mad and brushing and shrugging herself down of the ones that had fallen down her bikini top as she'd sunbathed on the deck..... Laughing

The first 3 or 4 just gave us a gobful of abuse, but when we fired our redundant bait for a 5th time at the River King (the one full of tourists) it really was time to get on our bikes and get off home sharpish!!! Laughing

_________________
Gutter journalism at its BEST!